I am feeling down and zoned out a lot. I feel terrible and these are the reasons why:
*Mrs Bowbyes left
-Have no counsellor at the moment
-Won’t get another permanent counsellor until Term 4
-Understood me
-Had nearly weekly visits for most of the term
*Forced to quit
-Cut my wrists the night Dad said that
-Ground up is my safe Haven
-Nothing bad can happen to me there
*Couldn’t go to eclipse
-Wanted to be with Mum and Mitchy
-I looked forward to that all day
-People treat it like a joke
-I cried so hard I almost threw up
*Terrible report
-Feel like a failure
*Kyle and I aren’t working out
-I am going to dump him
*Having nightmares
-People are dying and screaming
-Laughing all around me
-I scream until all the breath leaves my body and I watch myself die
*Friends from class are all fighting
-Sam feels alone
-I am excluded
-Everyone is separating into little groups and it is bringing us all down
*Feel lonely at school
-Form class are fighting
-Christina ditches me
-Fern is only nice when it suits her
-Vanessa is controlling of Amara
*I’m zoned out
-Can’t keep track of days or times
-Constant headaches
-I feel like I am drifting
*My emotions are building up inside
-Want to scream
-Punched a brick wall over and over
-I was going to walk away from home to try and clear my head
-Cry myself to sleep
-I cry a lot and I hate feeling weak
*Food doesn’t interest me anymore
-I eat out of habit and it disgusts me
*I feel babyish around Bianca and Krista
-Talk in the 3rd person
-They want to watch toy story
*I want to sleep until my problems are all solved
*Dad thinks he is a comedian
-I need someone serious to talk to
*I am bored easily
-I don’t want to play on Facebook or watch TV
-I can’t concentrate on reading
-I have too much time to think
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Warning! Porn link in Comment
On the post about depression there was a link to a porn site (which I didn't know until I clicked on it and it uploaded a virus). It was by a person registered as JamzClark and it said come check out my blog. James if it really was you, you are a sick bastard (worse than the time you asked you-know who for a bj or hj). The comments have been deleted but if there are any more comments from this person on my blog can you please let me know either on First Class or Facebook. I have deleted them now but I just wanted to warn you.
Thanks :)
p.s do not click on any of his links
Thanks :)
p.s do not click on any of his links
NTSS Master Chef
Last night at scouts we had a master chef evening. We were given food and recipes and told to make our meals for not only ourselves but our parents as well. As the coxswain(patrol leader) I took control and organized everyone. For our entree we had mini kebabs with the option of peanut butter dipping sauce or a sweet chilli yogurt dipping sauce. I thought that the sauces were disgusting but the meat was great. All the adults were saying they loved the sauces though. I am not sure if they were trying to make me feel better or not.
For our main we had mini hamburgers. We had in them, lettuce leaves, sliced tomato, hand made meat paddies (they looked gross but tasted great) and pineapple slices. To stop them falling off the plate we stabbed a kebab stick through the middle. My Uncle Chris and Dad were there as our 'parents'. Because my little brother also goes to scouts they had to go between two meals. The meals were very filling but Uncle said the paddies at my group were so good he would have held up for a third. :)
For dessert we had pikelets but fancy pikelets, with peaches in the middle. Each group was judged by both the leaders and an anonymous parent from the group. The parent's scores were put up on the board for all to see. Under Forward Starboard (my group) we had two zeroes for our pikelets (presentation and taste). We had three stations, two on each station (except for our group who had only 5) and I was on the pikelets station. I was so bummed when I saw that I went and had a tangi with my Dad.
Dad told me that it was the lady Beddows who was judging our group. The reason he knew that was because when the scout leaders asked if it was forward port or forward starboard who came first for the pikelets the lady was like 'No way, I put on the sheet, No taste, No flavor, No way!' What a bitch!
Dad told me to go clean myself up and then he went over to her (feigning ignorance) and said that it was so horrible, some miserable person gave our group two zeroes and so I was crying in the bathroom. Dad told me later that when he said that her faced looked like she was sucking on a lemon and she stood up. When dad walked away she was having an urgent talk with her husband who must have helped with the judging.
When I came in, Dad had already briefed me. I could see her looking at me so I put my hood on and slumped to the corner with my watch. She came and said that it wasn't my fault. It was the boy's pancakes that tasted disgusting but mine were good. All the time I was thinking to myself 'I know it was you, you bitch.' What she didn't understand was that it doesn't matter if my pikelets were the best in the whole world, it is My watch and My responsibility. While the boys weren't always concentrating it is my job to take the fall for my team, and help them be better. It isn't easy to be happy with their performance when they dipped the egg beater in cream and were spraying each other with it but it was my fault for not being able to get them to focus.
For our main we had mini hamburgers. We had in them, lettuce leaves, sliced tomato, hand made meat paddies (they looked gross but tasted great) and pineapple slices. To stop them falling off the plate we stabbed a kebab stick through the middle. My Uncle Chris and Dad were there as our 'parents'. Because my little brother also goes to scouts they had to go between two meals. The meals were very filling but Uncle said the paddies at my group were so good he would have held up for a third. :)
For dessert we had pikelets but fancy pikelets, with peaches in the middle. Each group was judged by both the leaders and an anonymous parent from the group. The parent's scores were put up on the board for all to see. Under Forward Starboard (my group) we had two zeroes for our pikelets (presentation and taste). We had three stations, two on each station (except for our group who had only 5) and I was on the pikelets station. I was so bummed when I saw that I went and had a tangi with my Dad.
Dad told me that it was the lady Beddows who was judging our group. The reason he knew that was because when the scout leaders asked if it was forward port or forward starboard who came first for the pikelets the lady was like 'No way, I put on the sheet, No taste, No flavor, No way!' What a bitch!
Dad told me to go clean myself up and then he went over to her (feigning ignorance) and said that it was so horrible, some miserable person gave our group two zeroes and so I was crying in the bathroom. Dad told me later that when he said that her faced looked like she was sucking on a lemon and she stood up. When dad walked away she was having an urgent talk with her husband who must have helped with the judging.
When I came in, Dad had already briefed me. I could see her looking at me so I put my hood on and slumped to the corner with my watch. She came and said that it wasn't my fault. It was the boy's pancakes that tasted disgusting but mine were good. All the time I was thinking to myself 'I know it was you, you bitch.' What she didn't understand was that it doesn't matter if my pikelets were the best in the whole world, it is My watch and My responsibility. While the boys weren't always concentrating it is my job to take the fall for my team, and help them be better. It isn't easy to be happy with their performance when they dipped the egg beater in cream and were spraying each other with it but it was my fault for not being able to get them to focus.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Nightmares
I'm a little depressed today so don't worry, I'm not ignoring you. I had another bad night last night. I have been having nightmares more frequently just lately. My nightmare from last night was really personal. It was really dark and all I could see was I guy I thought I was in love with a while back. He was glaring at me and he kept repeating the same thing over and over.
You're not my mum
You're not my boss
You're anything to me
He got louder and louder until he was screaming at me and when I woke up I had rolled off the bed and was lying on the floor crying. I got back into bed before my parents could become worried about me. I couldn't sleep for so long and when I finally did, my Dad woke me up again to sing happy birthday to my Mum.
At Jamboree that is what he said to me. It broke my heart and that is what I remember the most about the whole Jamboree, and him.
You're not my mum
You're not my boss
You're anything to me
He got louder and louder until he was screaming at me and when I woke up I had rolled off the bed and was lying on the floor crying. I got back into bed before my parents could become worried about me. I couldn't sleep for so long and when I finally did, my Dad woke me up again to sing happy birthday to my Mum.
At Jamboree that is what he said to me. It broke my heart and that is what I remember the most about the whole Jamboree, and him.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Sailing Prize giving
My Sailing club prize giving was on the weekend. I didn't win an award because I spent more time capsized or breaking parts of my boat than actually sailing. But there are three things I want to share with you from Saturday.
If we do something really stupid and someone sees us doing it then at the end of season prize giving we go into a thing called monkey court. You stand on a chair at the front of the room and Roger (in a wig and judges costume) accuses you of a crime. For the first time, I went into monkey court. It was because when my boat was repainted white (By my Dad) he painted everything white; pulleys, sheets (ropes), venturies (empties the water from your boat). The problem with this is because they were covered in paint I couldn't use most of the gear properly for the whole season. I had to plead my case but I just said "Dad's Fault" Everyone cracked up.
I was so sure I was going to fall off the chair because I was wearing high heels.
Another thing we do at Sailing is the R.S.U.P (ass up) competition. It is a wooden toilet seat that goes to the person with either the most spectacular, or the most capsizes. I was sure it was going to go to me but it went to James, who by the way is a great sailor. The winner of the R.S.U.P comp has to wear the toilet seat for the rest of the night. After the official prize giving though James came up and put it on my head saying I deserved it more. He however wore it for the rest of the night.
Ninja Tag. My friends and I were playing ninja tag where you have to smack other peoples hands and my friend J accidentally smacked my boob. I reacted in gut instinct and smacked him in the chest. After that game he had a huge red hand print right there :) Whoops
Hope you enjoy this blog. There you go Grace I got onto it, just like you said :)
If we do something really stupid and someone sees us doing it then at the end of season prize giving we go into a thing called monkey court. You stand on a chair at the front of the room and Roger (in a wig and judges costume) accuses you of a crime. For the first time, I went into monkey court. It was because when my boat was repainted white (By my Dad) he painted everything white; pulleys, sheets (ropes), venturies (empties the water from your boat). The problem with this is because they were covered in paint I couldn't use most of the gear properly for the whole season. I had to plead my case but I just said "Dad's Fault" Everyone cracked up.
I was so sure I was going to fall off the chair because I was wearing high heels.
Another thing we do at Sailing is the R.S.U.P (ass up) competition. It is a wooden toilet seat that goes to the person with either the most spectacular, or the most capsizes. I was sure it was going to go to me but it went to James, who by the way is a great sailor. The winner of the R.S.U.P comp has to wear the toilet seat for the rest of the night. After the official prize giving though James came up and put it on my head saying I deserved it more. He however wore it for the rest of the night.
Ninja Tag. My friends and I were playing ninja tag where you have to smack other peoples hands and my friend J accidentally smacked my boob. I reacted in gut instinct and smacked him in the chest. After that game he had a huge red hand print right there :) Whoops
Hope you enjoy this blog. There you go Grace I got onto it, just like you said :)
Crazy Moments
I have so many crazy moments in my life.
Today I decided I wanted some fruit with my lunch but when I saw chocolate dipping sauce I bought that instead. I had nothing to dip in it so I just ate it with a fork. I didn't eat very much before I felt ill and stopped. It tasted funny because it was made of Belgian Chocolate. Doesn't Belgian chocolate have rum in it?
Today I decided I wanted some fruit with my lunch but when I saw chocolate dipping sauce I bought that instead. I had nothing to dip in it so I just ate it with a fork. I didn't eat very much before I felt ill and stopped. It tasted funny because it was made of Belgian Chocolate. Doesn't Belgian chocolate have rum in it?
Monday, June 7, 2010
Maths Survey
Hey guys,
It has been a while since I last posted but I have a favour to ask you. I have written up a survey for a maths project and I was wondering if you would be able to fill it out for me. Follow this link below:
It has been a while since I last posted but I have a favour to ask you. I have written up a survey for a maths project and I was wondering if you would be able to fill it out for me. Follow this link below:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dFU2TGhoNVE1WGZXNGJaY2NSS0pmWGc6MQ and please fill it out for me.
Cheers xo
Aleysha
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Sluttly Teacher
I have a really lazy Teacher. She sits at the front of the class with powerpoint presentations and we just have to copy down the bullet points while she sits at the front of the class and watches us.
The thing I hate the most is the way she dresses. Her dresses are so low cut and short you can see her bra and all the way up her skirt when she is sitting at the front of the room. She is only a young teacher but she could at least be professional about what she wears. Wearing jeans and a decent top isn't torture lady. She is worse than some of the year nines.
The thing I hate the most is the way she dresses. Her dresses are so low cut and short you can see her bra and all the way up her skirt when she is sitting at the front of the room. She is only a young teacher but she could at least be professional about what she wears. Wearing jeans and a decent top isn't torture lady. She is worse than some of the year nines.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Crazy Indian lady
At work yesterday the crazy Indian lady in the dairy next door moved one of our outside tables and piled all her bread crates there. My Boss went out to deal with it and the lady started screaming at him. He tried to tell her that it was our property and that she couldn't put her crates there but she kept arguing about it. He grabbed the crates and threw them back onto her side of the line and moved the table back. She grabs the table and they are fighting for control of it. My Boss puts down the table and Ben grabs his plate of wedges and sits at the table. So My Boss and one of the guys I work with are sitting at the table calmly watching while this lady screamed at them.
Not long afterward two cop cars pull up because she called the cops on us. Ben made me a hot chocolate and I went out back. The cops told my boss that he shouldn't have thrown the crates. Essentially though he was in the right.
If I hadn't have gone to work early I would have missed it completely. One of our neighbors came into the store on the weekend and asked them to re-heat some chicken and chips for them. When one of my colleagues (I love that word) said that we have our own chips and that we don't reheat chicken she had a go at us in the middle of the store. I came in a few minutes after she left so I missed it unfortunately.
You have got to love your crazy neighbors. It was the funniest day of work I have ever had. I can't wait to go to work again tomorrow! :)
Not long afterward two cop cars pull up because she called the cops on us. Ben made me a hot chocolate and I went out back. The cops told my boss that he shouldn't have thrown the crates. Essentially though he was in the right.
If I hadn't have gone to work early I would have missed it completely. One of our neighbors came into the store on the weekend and asked them to re-heat some chicken and chips for them. When one of my colleagues (I love that word) said that we have our own chips and that we don't reheat chicken she had a go at us in the middle of the store. I came in a few minutes after she left so I missed it unfortunately.
You have got to love your crazy neighbors. It was the funniest day of work I have ever had. I can't wait to go to work again tomorrow! :)
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
A letter to a loved one
My Dear,
I have believed that I am in love with you for a very long time. I remember seeing you for the first time and you immediately caught my eye. When I first saw you I was only eleven and you were fourteen so you were automatically out of my league.
It began as a crush, became an infatuation and it reached a near obsession point. . I want to put you out of my mind completely and forget you ever existed but it's not that easy. My friend and I have decided to write a book. You will not be directly mentioned in the story but you will be the inspiration for a character. If we succeed and our book gets published I will send you a copy and a check for some of the profits.
I don't blame you if you don't want to read it, in your place I wouldn't either. I have come to understand a great many things about you and love and if you do decide to read the book though it will be about those things. Love is a game and you are a far more experienced player. I lost the game, I lost you and I lost my innocent take on the world. Good game, it was well worth it.
I wish you only the best,
Aleysha
I have believed that I am in love with you for a very long time. I remember seeing you for the first time and you immediately caught my eye. When I first saw you I was only eleven and you were fourteen so you were automatically out of my league.
It began as a crush, became an infatuation and it reached a near obsession point. . I want to put you out of my mind completely and forget you ever existed but it's not that easy. My friend and I have decided to write a book. You will not be directly mentioned in the story but you will be the inspiration for a character. If we succeed and our book gets published I will send you a copy and a check for some of the profits.
I don't blame you if you don't want to read it, in your place I wouldn't either. I have come to understand a great many things about you and love and if you do decide to read the book though it will be about those things. Love is a game and you are a far more experienced player. I lost the game, I lost you and I lost my innocent take on the world. Good game, it was well worth it.
I wish you only the best,
Aleysha
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Shout outs
Matt - Who is talking to me during his lecture lol
Danielle - here is your shout out :)
Wedgie - haha
Jay - stop telling Kyle all ma dirty secrets lol
Kyle - stop listening to all my dirty secrets
All the Ngati toa out there - hope you are all having a great time lets whoop butt at Hamilton regatta
Laura - We will take southern cross down :)
Grace - Good work at netball
Kristin and Sophie - Great facials in the webcam lol
Ily all. be happy
Danielle - here is your shout out :)
Wedgie - haha
Jay - stop telling Kyle all ma dirty secrets lol
Kyle - stop listening to all my dirty secrets
All the Ngati toa out there - hope you are all having a great time lets whoop butt at Hamilton regatta
Laura - We will take southern cross down :)
Grace - Good work at netball
Kristin and Sophie - Great facials in the webcam lol
Ily all. be happy
Friday, May 7, 2010
Waht do i write?
People in my class have been asking me to write a new blog and I'm notsure what they want to read so i will write about what i did today and if you have any questions for me or things you want me to talk about just post a comment.
Today I played soccer. Because I am a girl I have to play with year 8 & 9s. We have played three games so far. The results are; 2-0 loss, 4-0 loss and today was a 3-2 loss. We are gettng better but I was so angry at myself after todays game. In the second half just after I had been subbed off went for a tackle but it went wrong. I fell over and when I did I landed on my hip and tail bone. When I got up it was so hard for me to walk but I didn't want to be a wimp so I kept on playing. It was so hard to walk but I tried to not only run but also to tackle people and get control of the ball. I did that for almost ten minutes with not much success before my Dad - the coach - realised and forced me to come off. After that i didn't go back on.
It still hurts to walk a little and sitting down and standing up is a real b***h. My Mum isn't sure if I popped my hip out of place or if I just bruised it but it doesn't really matter. Tommorrow I am going for a five Kilometre run/walk. It is mostly flat so i am going to wear my favourite pink shoes. To show my reluctance to coming I am going to wear a mini skirt. The good thing is I will be able to spend some time with my friend Chelsea and we can go crazy together, she always makes events and random dancing more fun.
Today Mum and I went to her school to pick up some work of hers so i was sent on a coffee run. Because i work at the local coffee shop my mate made me a free hot chocolate. I love working and I have made some good friends. I do need to concentrae on saving my money rather than spending it at new world lol.
Remember post a comment if you have any suggestions or ideas for new posts or just tell me in Class. See you all on Monday :)
Today I played soccer. Because I am a girl I have to play with year 8 & 9s. We have played three games so far. The results are; 2-0 loss, 4-0 loss and today was a 3-2 loss. We are gettng better but I was so angry at myself after todays game. In the second half just after I had been subbed off went for a tackle but it went wrong. I fell over and when I did I landed on my hip and tail bone. When I got up it was so hard for me to walk but I didn't want to be a wimp so I kept on playing. It was so hard to walk but I tried to not only run but also to tackle people and get control of the ball. I did that for almost ten minutes with not much success before my Dad - the coach - realised and forced me to come off. After that i didn't go back on.
It still hurts to walk a little and sitting down and standing up is a real b***h. My Mum isn't sure if I popped my hip out of place or if I just bruised it but it doesn't really matter. Tommorrow I am going for a five Kilometre run/walk. It is mostly flat so i am going to wear my favourite pink shoes. To show my reluctance to coming I am going to wear a mini skirt. The good thing is I will be able to spend some time with my friend Chelsea and we can go crazy together, she always makes events and random dancing more fun.
Today Mum and I went to her school to pick up some work of hers so i was sent on a coffee run. Because i work at the local coffee shop my mate made me a free hot chocolate. I love working and I have made some good friends. I do need to concentrae on saving my money rather than spending it at new world lol.
Remember post a comment if you have any suggestions or ideas for new posts or just tell me in Class. See you all on Monday :)
Saturday, May 1, 2010
A question of virginity
I'm sure that everyone in some point has asked the question are they a virgin? People are always judging you and sometimes the things they are saying can upset you or confuse you. I started doing a quiz on facebook called the BFF Quiz. I didn't think anything of it but some people's answers made me think about the way people see me.
One of the questions we were asked is "Is (please insert friend) a virgin?" Three people answered that question about me and they all had the same answer, they said I wasn't a virgin. One of those people was Greer and she has been around me and my boyfriend so I am not as surprised by that as the others. Of the other two people one is an aunty of mine who rarely bothers to talk to me about my life and the other one is the one that surprised me the most. Laura C said she didn't think I was a virgin. She moved away a long time ago and I have only seen her once in the last few years or so.
How do other people see me? Do I act like a slut or do people just see me as desperate? The quiz isn't supposed to mean anything but it makes you wonder how people see you. I am not upset by the answers just a little confused. For the record I am a virgin and the furthest I have ever been in a relationship is making out with my boyfriend. How do you really see me? What do you really think of me?
One of the questions we were asked is "Is (please insert friend) a virgin?" Three people answered that question about me and they all had the same answer, they said I wasn't a virgin. One of those people was Greer and she has been around me and my boyfriend so I am not as surprised by that as the others. Of the other two people one is an aunty of mine who rarely bothers to talk to me about my life and the other one is the one that surprised me the most. Laura C said she didn't think I was a virgin. She moved away a long time ago and I have only seen her once in the last few years or so.
How do other people see me? Do I act like a slut or do people just see me as desperate? The quiz isn't supposed to mean anything but it makes you wonder how people see you. I am not upset by the answers just a little confused. For the record I am a virgin and the furthest I have ever been in a relationship is making out with my boyfriend. How do you really see me? What do you really think of me?
Friday, April 30, 2010
My first love
I feel in love with a boy who broke my heart then moved to tauranga. I haven't seen him for the longest time but I still think about him sometimes. He left when his family moved and he left a lot of his friends behind. They talk about him fondly and whenever they do it brings me to tears. They are close to him and have lots of great memories of him, but I have nothing left but a few pictures and a constant reminder.
I don't think he even knows i love him. He knew I had a crush but I doubt he thought it ran deeper than that. When he left i cried more than I have ever cried in my life but it still didn't help. I couldn't stand to be near his friends as they made me think of him. I miss him now more than ever and he has probably forgotten all about me. That is the way of the world.
It is a big risk putting this out on the web because I know that there is every chance of his friends seeing it and then he will be told to read it as well. I never told him openly I liked him because to him I was just a kid and I still am. the way I see it though is that if he finds out at least he isn't close enough to me to hurt me anymore. If you are ready this though, I just want you to know that i am sorry for everything I did to upset you and that I wish I had been smart enough to fall for someone in my own league. I guess it is too late now.
I don't think he even knows i love him. He knew I had a crush but I doubt he thought it ran deeper than that. When he left i cried more than I have ever cried in my life but it still didn't help. I couldn't stand to be near his friends as they made me think of him. I miss him now more than ever and he has probably forgotten all about me. That is the way of the world.
It is a big risk putting this out on the web because I know that there is every chance of his friends seeing it and then he will be told to read it as well. I never told him openly I liked him because to him I was just a kid and I still am. the way I see it though is that if he finds out at least he isn't close enough to me to hurt me anymore. If you are ready this though, I just want you to know that i am sorry for everything I did to upset you and that I wish I had been smart enough to fall for someone in my own league. I guess it is too late now.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Maya prediction of Doom
The Ancient Maya existed all most 2,000 years ago. They had very accurate ways of measuring time and days and years. They also made a prediction, a prediction of doom for the world. They said that on Sunday 23rd 2012, we would all die. There is a lot of controversy around this.
One idea is that they made it up and it is fake, after all how could an ancient prediction of armageddon be correct?
But there is also the people who believe in the prediction. They were right about so much, time, measuring of days, astrology. They were so accurate with some of their recordings on lengths of solar phases that they were only 33 seconds off what science today has timed. If they managed all of that so long ago, what is to say that their prediction and their beliefs are wrong also?
Please leave your comments with your point of view.
One idea is that they made it up and it is fake, after all how could an ancient prediction of armageddon be correct?
But there is also the people who believe in the prediction. They were right about so much, time, measuring of days, astrology. They were so accurate with some of their recordings on lengths of solar phases that they were only 33 seconds off what science today has timed. If they managed all of that so long ago, what is to say that their prediction and their beliefs are wrong also?
Please leave your comments with your point of view.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Welcome All
Hello, I'm Aleysha and this blog is going to be bout my life, my friends and my loves. Like an online diary. I'm glad you found this page, come and learn about me and my life. Enjoy it :)
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