I am feeling down and zoned out a lot. I feel terrible and these are the reasons why:
*Mrs Bowbyes left
-Have no counsellor at the moment
-Won’t get another permanent counsellor until Term 4
-Understood me
-Had nearly weekly visits for most of the term
*Forced to quit
-Cut my wrists the night Dad said that
-Ground up is my safe Haven
-Nothing bad can happen to me there
*Couldn’t go to eclipse
-Wanted to be with Mum and Mitchy
-I looked forward to that all day
-People treat it like a joke
-I cried so hard I almost threw up
*Terrible report
-Feel like a failure
*Kyle and I aren’t working out
-I am going to dump him
*Having nightmares
-People are dying and screaming
-Laughing all around me
-I scream until all the breath leaves my body and I watch myself die
*Friends from class are all fighting
-Sam feels alone
-I am excluded
-Everyone is separating into little groups and it is bringing us all down
*Feel lonely at school
-Form class are fighting
-Christina ditches me
-Fern is only nice when it suits her
-Vanessa is controlling of Amara
*I’m zoned out
-Can’t keep track of days or times
-Constant headaches
-I feel like I am drifting
*My emotions are building up inside
-Want to scream
-Punched a brick wall over and over
-I was going to walk away from home to try and clear my head
-Cry myself to sleep
-I cry a lot and I hate feeling weak
*Food doesn’t interest me anymore
-I eat out of habit and it disgusts me
*I feel babyish around Bianca and Krista
-Talk in the 3rd person
-They want to watch toy story
*I want to sleep until my problems are all solved
*Dad thinks he is a comedian
-I need someone serious to talk to
*I am bored easily
-I don’t want to play on Facebook or watch TV
-I can’t concentrate on reading
-I have too much time to think
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Warning! Porn link in Comment
On the post about depression there was a link to a porn site (which I didn't know until I clicked on it and it uploaded a virus). It was by a person registered as JamzClark and it said come check out my blog. James if it really was you, you are a sick bastard (worse than the time you asked you-know who for a bj or hj). The comments have been deleted but if there are any more comments from this person on my blog can you please let me know either on First Class or Facebook. I have deleted them now but I just wanted to warn you.
Thanks :)
p.s do not click on any of his links
Thanks :)
p.s do not click on any of his links
NTSS Master Chef
Last night at scouts we had a master chef evening. We were given food and recipes and told to make our meals for not only ourselves but our parents as well. As the coxswain(patrol leader) I took control and organized everyone. For our entree we had mini kebabs with the option of peanut butter dipping sauce or a sweet chilli yogurt dipping sauce. I thought that the sauces were disgusting but the meat was great. All the adults were saying they loved the sauces though. I am not sure if they were trying to make me feel better or not.
For our main we had mini hamburgers. We had in them, lettuce leaves, sliced tomato, hand made meat paddies (they looked gross but tasted great) and pineapple slices. To stop them falling off the plate we stabbed a kebab stick through the middle. My Uncle Chris and Dad were there as our 'parents'. Because my little brother also goes to scouts they had to go between two meals. The meals were very filling but Uncle said the paddies at my group were so good he would have held up for a third. :)
For dessert we had pikelets but fancy pikelets, with peaches in the middle. Each group was judged by both the leaders and an anonymous parent from the group. The parent's scores were put up on the board for all to see. Under Forward Starboard (my group) we had two zeroes for our pikelets (presentation and taste). We had three stations, two on each station (except for our group who had only 5) and I was on the pikelets station. I was so bummed when I saw that I went and had a tangi with my Dad.
Dad told me that it was the lady Beddows who was judging our group. The reason he knew that was because when the scout leaders asked if it was forward port or forward starboard who came first for the pikelets the lady was like 'No way, I put on the sheet, No taste, No flavor, No way!' What a bitch!
Dad told me to go clean myself up and then he went over to her (feigning ignorance) and said that it was so horrible, some miserable person gave our group two zeroes and so I was crying in the bathroom. Dad told me later that when he said that her faced looked like she was sucking on a lemon and she stood up. When dad walked away she was having an urgent talk with her husband who must have helped with the judging.
When I came in, Dad had already briefed me. I could see her looking at me so I put my hood on and slumped to the corner with my watch. She came and said that it wasn't my fault. It was the boy's pancakes that tasted disgusting but mine were good. All the time I was thinking to myself 'I know it was you, you bitch.' What she didn't understand was that it doesn't matter if my pikelets were the best in the whole world, it is My watch and My responsibility. While the boys weren't always concentrating it is my job to take the fall for my team, and help them be better. It isn't easy to be happy with their performance when they dipped the egg beater in cream and were spraying each other with it but it was my fault for not being able to get them to focus.
For our main we had mini hamburgers. We had in them, lettuce leaves, sliced tomato, hand made meat paddies (they looked gross but tasted great) and pineapple slices. To stop them falling off the plate we stabbed a kebab stick through the middle. My Uncle Chris and Dad were there as our 'parents'. Because my little brother also goes to scouts they had to go between two meals. The meals were very filling but Uncle said the paddies at my group were so good he would have held up for a third. :)
For dessert we had pikelets but fancy pikelets, with peaches in the middle. Each group was judged by both the leaders and an anonymous parent from the group. The parent's scores were put up on the board for all to see. Under Forward Starboard (my group) we had two zeroes for our pikelets (presentation and taste). We had three stations, two on each station (except for our group who had only 5) and I was on the pikelets station. I was so bummed when I saw that I went and had a tangi with my Dad.
Dad told me that it was the lady Beddows who was judging our group. The reason he knew that was because when the scout leaders asked if it was forward port or forward starboard who came first for the pikelets the lady was like 'No way, I put on the sheet, No taste, No flavor, No way!' What a bitch!
Dad told me to go clean myself up and then he went over to her (feigning ignorance) and said that it was so horrible, some miserable person gave our group two zeroes and so I was crying in the bathroom. Dad told me later that when he said that her faced looked like she was sucking on a lemon and she stood up. When dad walked away she was having an urgent talk with her husband who must have helped with the judging.
When I came in, Dad had already briefed me. I could see her looking at me so I put my hood on and slumped to the corner with my watch. She came and said that it wasn't my fault. It was the boy's pancakes that tasted disgusting but mine were good. All the time I was thinking to myself 'I know it was you, you bitch.' What she didn't understand was that it doesn't matter if my pikelets were the best in the whole world, it is My watch and My responsibility. While the boys weren't always concentrating it is my job to take the fall for my team, and help them be better. It isn't easy to be happy with their performance when they dipped the egg beater in cream and were spraying each other with it but it was my fault for not being able to get them to focus.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Nightmares
I'm a little depressed today so don't worry, I'm not ignoring you. I had another bad night last night. I have been having nightmares more frequently just lately. My nightmare from last night was really personal. It was really dark and all I could see was I guy I thought I was in love with a while back. He was glaring at me and he kept repeating the same thing over and over.
You're not my mum
You're not my boss
You're anything to me
He got louder and louder until he was screaming at me and when I woke up I had rolled off the bed and was lying on the floor crying. I got back into bed before my parents could become worried about me. I couldn't sleep for so long and when I finally did, my Dad woke me up again to sing happy birthday to my Mum.
At Jamboree that is what he said to me. It broke my heart and that is what I remember the most about the whole Jamboree, and him.
You're not my mum
You're not my boss
You're anything to me
He got louder and louder until he was screaming at me and when I woke up I had rolled off the bed and was lying on the floor crying. I got back into bed before my parents could become worried about me. I couldn't sleep for so long and when I finally did, my Dad woke me up again to sing happy birthday to my Mum.
At Jamboree that is what he said to me. It broke my heart and that is what I remember the most about the whole Jamboree, and him.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Sailing Prize giving
My Sailing club prize giving was on the weekend. I didn't win an award because I spent more time capsized or breaking parts of my boat than actually sailing. But there are three things I want to share with you from Saturday.
If we do something really stupid and someone sees us doing it then at the end of season prize giving we go into a thing called monkey court. You stand on a chair at the front of the room and Roger (in a wig and judges costume) accuses you of a crime. For the first time, I went into monkey court. It was because when my boat was repainted white (By my Dad) he painted everything white; pulleys, sheets (ropes), venturies (empties the water from your boat). The problem with this is because they were covered in paint I couldn't use most of the gear properly for the whole season. I had to plead my case but I just said "Dad's Fault" Everyone cracked up.
I was so sure I was going to fall off the chair because I was wearing high heels.
Another thing we do at Sailing is the R.S.U.P (ass up) competition. It is a wooden toilet seat that goes to the person with either the most spectacular, or the most capsizes. I was sure it was going to go to me but it went to James, who by the way is a great sailor. The winner of the R.S.U.P comp has to wear the toilet seat for the rest of the night. After the official prize giving though James came up and put it on my head saying I deserved it more. He however wore it for the rest of the night.
Ninja Tag. My friends and I were playing ninja tag where you have to smack other peoples hands and my friend J accidentally smacked my boob. I reacted in gut instinct and smacked him in the chest. After that game he had a huge red hand print right there :) Whoops
Hope you enjoy this blog. There you go Grace I got onto it, just like you said :)
If we do something really stupid and someone sees us doing it then at the end of season prize giving we go into a thing called monkey court. You stand on a chair at the front of the room and Roger (in a wig and judges costume) accuses you of a crime. For the first time, I went into monkey court. It was because when my boat was repainted white (By my Dad) he painted everything white; pulleys, sheets (ropes), venturies (empties the water from your boat). The problem with this is because they were covered in paint I couldn't use most of the gear properly for the whole season. I had to plead my case but I just said "Dad's Fault" Everyone cracked up.
I was so sure I was going to fall off the chair because I was wearing high heels.
Another thing we do at Sailing is the R.S.U.P (ass up) competition. It is a wooden toilet seat that goes to the person with either the most spectacular, or the most capsizes. I was sure it was going to go to me but it went to James, who by the way is a great sailor. The winner of the R.S.U.P comp has to wear the toilet seat for the rest of the night. After the official prize giving though James came up and put it on my head saying I deserved it more. He however wore it for the rest of the night.
Ninja Tag. My friends and I were playing ninja tag where you have to smack other peoples hands and my friend J accidentally smacked my boob. I reacted in gut instinct and smacked him in the chest. After that game he had a huge red hand print right there :) Whoops
Hope you enjoy this blog. There you go Grace I got onto it, just like you said :)
Crazy Moments
I have so many crazy moments in my life.
Today I decided I wanted some fruit with my lunch but when I saw chocolate dipping sauce I bought that instead. I had nothing to dip in it so I just ate it with a fork. I didn't eat very much before I felt ill and stopped. It tasted funny because it was made of Belgian Chocolate. Doesn't Belgian chocolate have rum in it?
Today I decided I wanted some fruit with my lunch but when I saw chocolate dipping sauce I bought that instead. I had nothing to dip in it so I just ate it with a fork. I didn't eat very much before I felt ill and stopped. It tasted funny because it was made of Belgian Chocolate. Doesn't Belgian chocolate have rum in it?
Monday, June 7, 2010
Maths Survey
Hey guys,
It has been a while since I last posted but I have a favour to ask you. I have written up a survey for a maths project and I was wondering if you would be able to fill it out for me. Follow this link below:
It has been a while since I last posted but I have a favour to ask you. I have written up a survey for a maths project and I was wondering if you would be able to fill it out for me. Follow this link below:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=dFU2TGhoNVE1WGZXNGJaY2NSS0pmWGc6MQ and please fill it out for me.
Cheers xo
Aleysha
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